Running Away?

Too many runs lately have been on the treadmill!  I am so anxious for spring and safe outdoor running.  The few times I ran outside this winter, I fell HARD on ice I didn't know was there.  So, bring on the melt and the warmer running!
On Saturday, I did get to go for a run outside, because the ice was mostly melted.  I ran at a healthy, 10-minute-mile, pace and enjoyed the tempo and the feel of my body being strong.  As I ran, I just wanted to keep running.  I wished I didn't have to get back home after my allotted 40 minutes.  I wished I could just run for hours, like I used to.  Did I feel like running away from my family and my son's birthday party and my house cleaning and my other obligations?  Not at all!  I just sometimes wish I could stop time and enjoy the moment I am enjoying longer than the time allotted to me. 
I don't think this is necessarily a quandry merely for mothers, but for mortals.  Time is a stewardship from which we cannot run away.  Nor, I believe, would we want to if we ponder the question for longer than a moment.  It is kind of exciting to know we met a deadline.  It is really thrilling to realize we've reached a benchmark!  Timing is not everything, but it really is something.

An announcement

Eleven years ago, I was teaching at an alternative high school and loved it and hated it.  Because of that experience, I wanted to be a foster mother…to which my sweet Darren swore he would never agree.  We did, however agree that we are terribly blessed with love and with a depth of understanding of the value of the soul of a child that we could not keep these blessings back from the world.  Fast forward eleven years and we are the proud and grateful parents of 6 beautiful, healthy children.  We are now expecting our seventh at the very opening of the year 2015. 

How do I feel about this?  I am elated, terrified and very grateful.  I am also a tiny bit angry and a little embarrassed.  (more on those feelings will likely come on days that are hard...if I decide to post it) Once I heard an adult I trusted tell me not to worry about the judgements others may be making about me, because they probably aren’t even thinking about me enough to make any sort of judgement.  In case that was a lie, let me say a few words:   

1- I am older than I was, but this is a healthy pregnancy so far and I’m being very careful. 2- We DO, I will agree to those that may be thinking this, sometimes struggle to keep the current six rugrats under control, but I firmly know that we are still doing the right thing. All six of our babies know that they are loved, cared for and have more than enough to be obligated to share their blessings and talents with the world.  3- We have so many children and so many of you are not so blessed and wish for even one or two.  I sometimes feel selfish about that.  I want your dreams to come true, too.  I pray for you to find dreams that fit the joy you need to have each day.  4- If, by chance, you feel slighted that you are receiving the announcement of our current pregnancy by this lovely and very public arena of my blog, feel free to call, text, or visit.  I chose to do it this way because I have not always had the most positive reactions to my more personal one-on-one prenatal announcements in the past and this seemed like a less emotionally painful way to do this.  I am happy and hope that those who care will find a way to be happy with me and let me know.  Those who are not happy with me can keep it to themselves or post it here on my blog, but will not be forced to give me a reaction in person.

My Mission

I love my planner.  I write in it every night and refer to it multiple times throughout each day.  I should be so diligent with my scripture study.  One thing I love is that the Franklin Covey planner walks you through creating a personal mission statement.  Of course, I went through the exercise years ago when I first got a planner.  But, I have re-visited the mission statement creation a couple times since then.  Right now, I like the Mission Statement I created about eight years ago and I haven’t really altered it since. 

My Personal Mission Statement:

I do not know how long my time in mortality will be, but I hope it to be around a century.  I hope to use this 100 years to bring miracles into the world.

My first miracle will always be the miracle of Love – loving people for whom they are and for whom I know they can become.

My next miracle will be Life – I long to bring life into the world.  Through children, through gardens and through living life to the fullest I hope I will add Life to this world.

The following miracle will be Growth – learning, changing, progressing, improving, perfecting.  These will always be the mission.  So, I will push myself and those around me to Grow.

Next is the miracle of Strength – strength of mind, body and spirit that will help me and others to accept the things that come and act in a way that shows more Love.

Finally is the miracle of Freedom – I will give myself and others room to receive outside guidance and to act in a way that truly maximizes free agency.

Re-typing this mission statement has already helped me to re-focus on the goals and vision I have for my life.  Now, I must make sure it is the vision the Lord has for my life…

What is a Mormon Mom?

I am a Mormon mom...What is that?!  In my mind, this doesn't just mean that I will have children until I pop, be endlessly incredibly crafty and sing Primary songs all day with my brood.  I do want a lot of children, but that is a personal decision, partially based on my faith.  I do try to keep our house bright and cheerful and occasionally punctuated by my efforts at craft-creation and we sing quite a bit, mostly because I have for many years lived with the belief that, if I can't make time to go be in a musical, I might as well make my life a musical.

But, I mostly believe that being a Mormon mom, means that, as a mother to my children, I need to be a disciple of Jesus Christ.  I need to look at their faces and remember that they are temporary gifts to me and that I could have no greater treasure and no greater joy than to see them find the joy of living according to principles of truth.  I need to remember that when they seem to continuously destroy my efforts at cleanliness and order, or when they seem to resist my efforts to teach them the joy of hard work, they are subject to my strength or weakness at that moment.  I get to choose to respond in a reactionary moment of temporal anger or to swallow, pray really fast and teach them that they are always loved because they are mine and because they are His. 

This morning, I woke to find that much of the progress I had made in my efforts to clean out the basement, in hopes that we can soon complete it, were masterfully dismantled in very little time by my high energy crew.  Fortunately it was early, so I didn't need to worry about the angels watching what I would do.  To my surprise, I genuinely felt love for the rascals and vandals who did the messy deeds and had no foul words to suppress.  The Lord really does give us moments of grace as we try to progress.  But, I also had some angry thoughts and discouragement. 

Being a Mormon mom is looking for the moments of Grace and realizing that those moments are our only Salvation.  We will one day have children in therapy and they will, in those counseling sessions, blame their Mormon mothers.  But, I know that my Savior knows my heart and that he sees that I am trying to be a disciple even to...and especially to my sweet six children.

To publish, one must write.

First off, Happy Birthday to my oldest son and fourth child, Christopher!  What a sweet boy! 

Here's the dilemma: my day is so busy every day.  How do I have time to write?  I will start my day every day with a timer set for 15 minutes, no matter what time I wake up.  I will write at least that long.  Then, if I don't end up writing during Quiet Time for the hour that I really want to spend, at least I will have put some time in.  That's my new goal for writing.

Insanity

That is often the accusation of my state of mind.  Here's the latest justification.  Today was packed.  I knew last night that it was going to be packed.  I was emotionally fringed at the edges.  So, when Louis waked at 1:55 am to nurse, I fed him, then drove the 30 minutes to the nearest gym and ran on the treadmill for 4.5 miles (at a 10.75 minute mile pace, I might pridefully add) and drove home, showered, fed Louis again and left with my sweet Darren (my mom is still with us and was with the children, except Louis) to start our marathon day at 5:00 am.  We went to a meeting, got our children, went grocery shopping, got new cell phones, dropped Darren off at another meeting, Mom and I went to an art signing of my cute sister-in-law, we had a family dinner and gathering and were home with kids in bed and going to bed ourselves, now, at 11-ish.  I am so tired, but so glad I pounded in my day's run in the morning/night so that I had that release.  It really was a special treat for me.  Does that sound like insanity to you?

A Homeschool Highlight

So many people, when I tell them that I am Homeschooling my 5 children, say things like "I could never do that." or "You are an amazing woman."  Really, I'm sure many people could do the un-amazing things we do every day.  It's just a matter of waking up and thinking, "we have to start school in an hour, or we might not get it done."  On the days (and there are oh, so many of these) when I wake up thinking, "I DO NOT want to do school today," I have to close my eyes and start over.  I have to re-program my thinking at least 50% of my days.  I shoot from the hip way more than I have a structured day with neat-o projects and fabulous results.  But, day in, day out, we, at the very least, work on reading skills, math skills and religious teachings.  We always start with a song, a prayer, the pledge and a memorized scripture.  That puts all of us in the frame of mind that it is time to start our learning.  The goal, for me, is to be done with what I require we do by noon, at the latest.  Then, we play hard, have lunch and "Quiet Time" and do whatever self-directed learning the children want to do and didn't get done during Quiet Time.
Today, I set a goal to make sure I have at least some sort of a minimal plan for the next day's school before I go to bed for the rest of this school year.  We'll see how it goes.